If you still determine your fantasy draft order with a random draw before you draft, you really need to stop. Fantasy Draft Day (soon to be a national holiday) is one of the best days of the year and you shouldn't sully it with something so rudimentary. We're creative people; we can do better than this.
'Hey look, I pulled an ace from the deck and now I get first pick!' Boooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrr-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.
I'd hate to see what sort of simple means you still live by. Drawing names out of hat is akin to watching the commercials when you have DVR'd a show. How barbaric. Is this what our forefathers had in mind when they founded this great country of ours? I think not.
Thankfully there are some free thinkers out there. Here are some of my favorite examples that came through via Twitter.
And honestly, these next guys deserve a lot of credit for going the extra mile. Two different groups going for the same thing. It's amazing.
Very solid. As is this one.
How awesome is that photo? Like, how lucky were we to have a camera at just this moment when the kid in the Blackhawks hat was picking up a Ping-Pong ball? Although the dude in the background has that "I can't believe John Cena lost" look on his face which, if there was any justice in the world, would become a meme.
And seriously, $4!
All right, if you can engineer a marvel like these folks (seriously, this is hands-down the greatest thing I've seen since the season finale of "Sons of Anarchy") here are six other alternatives.
And without further ado ...
It doesn't even need to be football-based either. In fact, it would be much more enjoyable if you made it based on one of those "Real Housewives" reality TV shows because you know some guys would study it. Anything pop culture works. Best if Andy Cohen moderates.
My neighbor's league is going to do this for its 2014 draft. I didn't care for it at first, but think about lighting up the person who won the league last year. Or you could target the owner who always seems to take your draft picks.
Also known as "Cornhole" in some parts, a mini tournament is a nice option. Unless Chris Wesseling is in your league. This could be substituted with any of those other, uh, skill games you learned in college. You know, the ones where you used a Ping-Pong ball.
My buddy Bill E. has made this a yearly tradition in his fantasy league. Those go-kart tracks are popping up all over the place, so this should be easy. And if that isn't feasible, Mario Kart is an approved alternative. Bowser Jr. is my groove.
The classic! Of course, this isn't an option in my League of Record with my chums from Corona, Calif. Mainly because of this guy. We have to pretty much eliminate all athletic feats because of this kid.
This is probably the best option there is. If your entire league lives close by, conduct the tournament the night before. Otherwise, you can drop it to two-minute quarters for the preliminary rounds and go at it. You'll thank me later.
Adam Rank is on Twitter. You can follow him @adamrank. And he's pretty good about answering your questions. Not as great as he used to be. I mean, if you catch him after midnight, he's busy playing #HashtagWars from the show @midnight. Sometimes it's funny. Other times, not so much. Stil, he answers questions. So follow him on Twitter, please. He's taking us to lunch if he gets 37 more Twitter followers today.