Paintball is terrible.
I don't get it. What kind of dystopian post-human wasteland do we live in when we derive pleasure from running around in the woods trying to shoot our friends with guns? I like my friends. I rather go to a baseball game.
The whole culture is pervasive, too. I actually got sucked into a paintball expedition in Staten Island during my own bachelor party weekend ... and you know what was the best part of the afternoon? When we got back on the bus and headed back to Manhattan so I could start drinking again.
And, oh, by the way ... have you ever been shot by a paintball? No, I don't mean the shot that hits the part of your arm protected by three layers of sweatshirt. I'm talking a clean pop on an exposed calf or hand. Maybe the dreaded windpipe shot. That s--t hurts like hell. Never again.
Speaking of "never again", that's probably what second-year Cowboys linebacker Damien Wilson is saying after he took a ball to the eye during a recent paintball expedition. The mishap has left Wilson sidelined him for the start of training camp.
"That's real hard to grasp and figure those issues," Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said Friday, according to ESPN.com. "I'm being trite when I say it because it's a serious enough issue to keep him off the field for a couple of weeks."
Poor Wilson started camp on the NFI list and the team hopes to get him back in about 10 days. Next time he should just come to the bar with me.
